Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
