Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
