I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Drake has all the answers
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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