Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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