so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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