she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
