if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Someone came in the potted fern
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
