A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I party with great urgency now.
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