I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I think my fart just growled at me.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
