those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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