You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
