He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
