Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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