can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
