I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Randomize
