I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
