now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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