There was a lot of him and a little penis
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
