That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
