im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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