He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
