Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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