I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
