Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
