Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
my being single is dangerous.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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