So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
whose parrot is this?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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