when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize