it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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