I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
