? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
