who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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