I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
