My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
3 2 1 whiskey
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
