A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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