I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
