maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
