I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
