Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
