don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I think my fart just growled at me.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
