If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize