I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
