Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
