I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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