The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
