Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
