I'm so fucking centered right now
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
