I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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