I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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