Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
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