i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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