How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
We got so high we made milksteak
i used baking grease as lip gloss
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
