Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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