Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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