brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
your thong is hanging out like whoa
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
