Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
