Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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