Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
