just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
