your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Let's get the cat blown out
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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