You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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