I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
