im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
This is the prime rib incident all over again
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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