Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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