i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
