so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
well most of my day revolves around power hour
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
