Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
