"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
