That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
