did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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