I think my fart just growled at me.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
worst night to have a conscience
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
