i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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