1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
